You’re Not Behind—You’re Building Differently
by Roland Scheppske
If you’ve ever scrolled through social media and felt a knot in your stomach when you see yet another engagement announcement, job promotion, or graduation photo, you’re not alone. It can seem like everyone else is sprinting ahead while you’re… well, not.
Maybe you took longer to finish school. Maybe you still don’t know what you want to “be.” Maybe you’re coming out or changing paths later than you expected. Maybe you’re building a life that doesn’t look like anyone else’s around you.
And maybe somewhere deep down, you’ve started to believe you’re behind.
Here’s the truth: you’re not behind—you’re building differently.
The Myth of “Behind”
Our culture loves a standardized life timeline:
- Graduate high school at 18
- Finish college by 22
- Land your dream job immediately
- Get married in your 20s, have kids in your 30s, retire at 65
This formula was built for a very specific version of life—one that doesn’t account for self-discovery, identity shifts, health needs, or any form of deviation from the norm. It certainly doesn’t account for the unique journeys of queer and neurodivergent people.
For queer folks, early adulthood often involves unlearning scripts that were never written for us. We might need years to safely explore our identity, build affirming relationships, and imagine a future that actually excites us.
For neurodivergent folks, the pace of life can be shaped by sensory needs, burnout recovery, executive functioning, or learning in non-linear ways. It’s not about “falling behind”—it’s about navigating the world with a nervous system that wasn’t built for assembly-line living.
The Reality of Building Differently
Building differently might mean:
- Starting college at 25 because you needed time to recover from burnout.
- Switching careers in your 30s after finally getting an ADHD diagnosis and realizing what you actually love doing.
- Coming out in midlife and beginning your first truly authentic relationships.
- Choosing not to have kids and channeling your energy into art, activism, or travel.
These paths aren’t wrong—they’re just different. And in many ways, they’re more intentional. You’re making choices based on who you really are, not who you were told to be.
The Hidden Advantages of Your Own Timeline
When you build differently, you often:
- Gain clarity: You’ve had more time to understand your values and needs.
- Avoid rushed commitments: You’re less likely to end up in jobs, relationships, or lifestyles that don’t fit.
- Build resilience: Navigating a nontraditional path teaches you adaptability, problem-solving, and creativity.
- Find your people: You connect with others who also took the scenic route—and they often make the best companions.
Hope in the Slow Build
It’s easy to believe that slower progress means failure, especially when the world glorifies speed. But some of the strongest foundations are laid slowly. The skyscrapers that rise fastest are often the first to crumble.
When you give yourself permission to build at your own pace, you open the door to:
- Careers that actually energize you
- Relationships that are rooted in authenticity
- A lifestyle that supports your mental and physical health
- A future you actually want to live in
Practical Ways to Embrace Your Timeline
If you want to start shedding the “I’m behind” mindset, try:
- Name Your Real Goals Ask: What do I want? Not what my family, friends, or culture told me to want.
- Redefine Milestones Maybe your milestone this year is finding a therapist who gets you. Maybe it’s making one new friend who affirms your identity. Those count.
- Surround Yourself With Pace-Respecting People Spend time with people who don’t measure your worth by productivity or speed.
- Keep a “Slow Wins” List Write down the things you’re proud of, no matter how small. Over time, you’ll see you’ve been moving forward all along.
Your Life, Your Pace
You might not have the same timeline as your peers. You might take longer to reach certain milestones—or choose milestones they’ll never consider. That doesn’t mean you’re behind.
It means you’re crafting something unique. You’re building a life that actually fits you.
So the next time you feel that rush of panic when you compare your path to someone else’s, take a deep breath. Remember: speed isn’t the measure of success—alignment is.
You are not late. You are right on time… for the life you’re meant to live.
